Fic: Across the Abyss
Nov. 28th, 2020 05:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ellerkayTitle: Across the Abyss
Pairing: None, OR, if you have your slash goggles on, Michael/Adam
Characters: Michael, Adam Milligan, Jack Kline
Rating: Teen/PG-13
Genre: Fix-it; angst with a happy ending
Word Count: 1750
Disclaimer: All for fun, none for profit.
Summary: After his death, Michael wakes up in the Empty to find Jack, who's setting things right.
A/N: VINDICATION FOR MY BOY. Phew, if you'd told me a year ago that I would be referring to Michael as "my boy" or that I would even care about him at all, I would have asked what you were on and was it a fun time. But Michael and Adam's relationship (plus Jake Abel's stellar performance in both roles) got me passionately on board with them RIGHT QUICK. Then, "Inherit the Earth" aired, and I was left screaming about how they done my boy dirty. So, here you have it. FIXED.
Michael and Adam ended up acting awfully romantically for something that I was intending could be read as a ship or as just a really close relationship. But I'm stubbornly tagging it as both, because I love relationships that defy categorization. Perhaps to them, it is paradoxically both, or they feel they're so close that it doesn't matter what they call it. Or maybe it's simply romantic or simply not. Choose your own adventure, kids.
The title for this story was taken from the song "The Face of God" by H.I.M.
Read on AO3
***
Michael found himself in a black void. He blinked at it, trying to remember how he’d gotten there.
“Hello,” said a voice from behind him. Michael whirled around to see his nephew, his hand up in greeting and a beatific smile on his face.
“J-Jack?” Michael stammered. Memories were flooding in. The Empty, he realized. This was the Empty. And the last thing he had seen was his Father. God extending his arm, and then – the pain…
“What are you doing here?” Michael managed to choke out against a rising ride of shame and despair.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Jack said calmly.
Michael looked at him – really looked at him, not just with his eyes. There was something very different about the boy. Different, yet painfully familiar. “How are you here?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
Michael shook his head in mute denial, but he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. “You feel like – Him,” he said. Jack said nothing, only watched him with a sympathetic expression.
“Father?” Michael whispered. Perhaps it was one of His tests. But Jack was shaking his head.
“No, it’s me,” he said. “I’m still me. Just…more. I took his power. And Great-Aunt Amara is with me now, too.”
“Is He dead?” Michael asked. He wasn’t sure what he wanted the answer to be.
Jack shook his head again. “He’s alive. But he’s human. He’ll live out his life and then die, like the rest of his creations.”
Michael felt like he’d been punched in the chest. Reflexively, he put his hand to his heart, the way Adam used to. It was unfathomable. God, a mortal man.
“What do you want from me?” Michael made himself ask. “Do you require – service? Worship?”
Jack took a step closer to Michael, his face earnest and troubled. Michael flinched and Jack froze. Immediately, Michael regretted his instinctive reaction.
Jack took a half-step back, though he was still closer than he had been before. His expression had turned sad. “No, Uncle Michael,” he said. “I don’t want either of those things. I’m going to try and be a hands-off kind of god. Grandfather got too involved, I think.”
“Then what do you want with me?” Michael demanded, forgetting that he shouldn’t talk to the one who held his Father’s power that way. Suddenly, he craved nothing more than the oblivion the sleep of the Empty offered. Wakefulness was too painful. “Did you come to punish me for my betrayal?”
Jack looked even sadder. “No,” he said. “I understand why you did what you did.”
“Because I am a fool?” Michael asked bitterly. The guilt he felt was crushing. He’d felt it in the instant before he died, when he’d realized what a grievous mistake he’d made, but time had been too brief for it to really sink in.
“Because Grandfather made you work and compete for his love,” Jack said softly. Very slowly, he reached out towards Michael. Michael made himself stay still, knowing that he deserved whatever was coming. But Jack only let his hand rest on Michael’s cheek. Michael felt a sense of gentle love and compassion encompass him. Tears started in his eyes.
“And you were grieving,” Jack added. “For Adam.”
Michael closed his eyes, the tears spilling down his cheeks. Adam’s cheeks. Michael still looked like his beloved companion. He didn’t want to look like anyone or anything else.
“You still haven’t told me why you woke me,” Michael said, forcing calm into his voice.
Jack took a breath and let his hand fall. “Well, I told you I’m going to try not to get involved much in the world,” he said. “But there are some things I need to set right before I step back. I already brought the people and the animals back – ”
“Adam?” Michael asked immediately. He remembered the agony he’d felt when Adam’s soul had been ripped from the body they shared. The pain had been both of theirs, but it only got worse when it was Michael’s alone. Duller, but far more pervasive; a blank, empty loneliness which going to the Bunker hadn’t even touched.
“Adam chose to stay in Heaven with his mother,” Jack said carefully. “That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about.”
Michael stared at him, feeling the tiniest twinge of hope and yet afraid to let himself give in to it.
“I think you and Adam are soulmates,” Jack said. “The current, um, cosmic setup doesn’t recognize angel/human soulmates, but – ” He shrugged. “Like I said, I’m trying to make things better. Castiel and I are redesigning Heaven. But it’ll need enough power to keep running after I’m done. I’ve resurrected some angels, but…an archangel would be helpful.” He gave Michael a small smile. “Lucifer is – well. You know what he’s like. Uncle Gabriel died in another universe, which Grandfather destroyed. From what I know about Uncle Raphael, he wouldn’t like what I’m planning. But you…” His smile became hopeful. “I thought you might like to help.”
Michael blinked, unsure how to process this, wondering what Jack’s new plan for Heaven was.
“You don’t have to decide right away,” Jack said quickly. “We can talk about it more later. And either way, I’ll bring you to Adam.”
Michael inhaled sharply, the rush of air into his lungs heady even though both air and lungs were essentially nothing but mental constructs in the Empty. Perhaps it was Jack’s words. “You will?”
Jack smiled again. It was radiant. Michael couldn’t stop staring at his shining face, remembering how his Father used to look.
“Of course,” Jack said. He reached out and took Michael’s hand.
***
Michael found himself in Heaven. This part of it looked like a sunny suburban street. He was looking at a cozy yellow house. On the front porch was a swing. Adam was curled up on it, reading. He hadn’t seen Michael yet.
Michael’s heart thumped painfully. Jack squeezed his hand, making Michael jump. He hadn’t even noticed that his nephew was still next to him.
“It’s all right,” Jack said.
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?” Michael asked.
“He will.”
Adam looked up. His face broke into a wide smile and he jumped to his feet, hurrying forward eagerly.
“I’ll give you some time,” Jack said. He vanished.
“You’re here,” Adam said gladly. He embraced Michael warmly, but Michael froze, stiff in his arms.
“What is it?” Adam asked, voice full of concern. He pressed his forehead to Michael’s. “What’s wrong?”
For a brief moment, Michael let himself relax into the embrace. Then he pulled away reluctantly, taking a step back. Adam frowned with worry.
“I – ” Michael didn’t know where to start. “I don’t think you’ll want to be with me anymore once you know what I’ve done.”
Adam’s face softened. “Tell me,” he said.
“I can’t.”
“You used to tell me everything,” Adam said. As if Michael needed reminding. How strange and terrible it was, to be with Adam again and yet to be entirely separate from him.
Michael let out his breath in a shuddering sigh. He gave a slight nod. He had no power to resist his beloved companion’s wish. Adam put his hand on Michael’s arm. Michael let Adam guide him towards the house, savoring his touch. Michael knew it could be the last contact they’d ever share.
When they were settled side-by-side on the porch swing, Michael bowed his head and began to speak.
“I did not know what to do when you were gone. I felt utterly alone. My Father had taken everyone on Earth, save for myself, and the Winchesters, and – Jack.” He hesitated before the name, not sure if he should be referring to his nephew as God, now. Somehow, he suspected that wouldn’t be Jack’s preference. “Finally, I called out to him. To Jack. I thought to help him and Sam and Dean. I – I tried.” Tears began to fill Michael’s eyes again. “Then, Lucifer returned. He was in league with our Father. I killed him, but – I was eaten up by jealousy and despair. I had always tried to serve our Father, to be a good son. And He had reached out to Lucifer, instead of to me. I thought I could show Him that I could be His son again, too. I – I betrayed your half-brothers…” Michael couldn’t say anything more. His regret choked him.
“And Chuck killed you,” Adam finished.
Michael stared at him. “You knew,” he said.
Adam nodded. “I thought it might be good for you to talk about it.”
Michael shook his head in disbelief. “If you knew, why did you agree to see me? You must hate me.”
Adam gave him a sad smile. “I could never hate you,” he said simply. “You forget that I lost you, too, Michael. It was easier for me, here with my mother, but I was lonely for you, like you were for me.”
Hope filled Michael’s chest, hurting almost as much as the guilt. It couldn’t be true. “Then you – might you still want to be my companion?”
Adam gazed steadily at him, his smile deepening. “Yes,” he said.
There was much more in that word than a simple affirmation. More than permission, even; it was an invitation. Michael closed his eyes and let himself flow into oneness with Adam.
It shouldn’t have been possible. Adam was a soul now; he didn’t have a fleshly vessel. But it seemed that many new things were possible under Jack. Somehow, Michael and Adam were united. Michael breathed a sigh of relief; felt Adam echo it, felt their growing joy. Combined, it was far greater than the sum of its parts.
Should we help with Heaven, do you think? Adam asked, as casually as if he was considering what to have for lunch.
Michael remained silent for a moment. Yes, he replied. I think that would be a good thing to do.
***
Fifty years later
A new arrival found himself in a sunny meadow full of wildflowers. He looked around, eyes wide.
“Heaven?” he said, disbelief evident in his tone. “Well. Gotta say, I didn’t expect that.”
“Where did you think you’d go?” asked a voice from behind him.
The man shook his head, scuffing the ground with his foot. “I have no idea, but definitely not here.” He finally looked up at the being who’d spoken to him. His face froze. “Oh.”
“Hello, Father,” Michael said. “I think it’s time we had a talk.”
***
A/N: I know Jack never actually referred to his angelic/cosmic relations with familial titles, but it seemed like something he'd do and I was so tickled by it I decided to leave it in.
Also, I did consider writing the conversation between Michael and Chuck, but I'm not sure Chuck's half is going to be at all satisfying. It's possible he's learned something or shifted his perspective a bit in his 50 years as a human, but I'm far from certain of it. The important thing to me was that Michael have a chance to confront him with what a jerk he was. Maybe tell him off (or perhaps Adam will handle that part of it).
Pairing: None, OR, if you have your slash goggles on, Michael/Adam
Characters: Michael, Adam Milligan, Jack Kline
Rating: Teen/PG-13
Genre: Fix-it; angst with a happy ending
Word Count: 1750
Disclaimer: All for fun, none for profit.
Summary: After his death, Michael wakes up in the Empty to find Jack, who's setting things right.
A/N: VINDICATION FOR MY BOY. Phew, if you'd told me a year ago that I would be referring to Michael as "my boy" or that I would even care about him at all, I would have asked what you were on and was it a fun time. But Michael and Adam's relationship (plus Jake Abel's stellar performance in both roles) got me passionately on board with them RIGHT QUICK. Then, "Inherit the Earth" aired, and I was left screaming about how they done my boy dirty. So, here you have it. FIXED.
Michael and Adam ended up acting awfully romantically for something that I was intending could be read as a ship or as just a really close relationship. But I'm stubbornly tagging it as both, because I love relationships that defy categorization. Perhaps to them, it is paradoxically both, or they feel they're so close that it doesn't matter what they call it. Or maybe it's simply romantic or simply not. Choose your own adventure, kids.
The title for this story was taken from the song "The Face of God" by H.I.M.
Read on AO3
***
Michael found himself in a black void. He blinked at it, trying to remember how he’d gotten there.
“Hello,” said a voice from behind him. Michael whirled around to see his nephew, his hand up in greeting and a beatific smile on his face.
“J-Jack?” Michael stammered. Memories were flooding in. The Empty, he realized. This was the Empty. And the last thing he had seen was his Father. God extending his arm, and then – the pain…
“What are you doing here?” Michael managed to choke out against a rising ride of shame and despair.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Jack said calmly.
Michael looked at him – really looked at him, not just with his eyes. There was something very different about the boy. Different, yet painfully familiar. “How are you here?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
Michael shook his head in mute denial, but he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. “You feel like – Him,” he said. Jack said nothing, only watched him with a sympathetic expression.
“Father?” Michael whispered. Perhaps it was one of His tests. But Jack was shaking his head.
“No, it’s me,” he said. “I’m still me. Just…more. I took his power. And Great-Aunt Amara is with me now, too.”
“Is He dead?” Michael asked. He wasn’t sure what he wanted the answer to be.
Jack shook his head again. “He’s alive. But he’s human. He’ll live out his life and then die, like the rest of his creations.”
Michael felt like he’d been punched in the chest. Reflexively, he put his hand to his heart, the way Adam used to. It was unfathomable. God, a mortal man.
“What do you want from me?” Michael made himself ask. “Do you require – service? Worship?”
Jack took a step closer to Michael, his face earnest and troubled. Michael flinched and Jack froze. Immediately, Michael regretted his instinctive reaction.
Jack took a half-step back, though he was still closer than he had been before. His expression had turned sad. “No, Uncle Michael,” he said. “I don’t want either of those things. I’m going to try and be a hands-off kind of god. Grandfather got too involved, I think.”
“Then what do you want with me?” Michael demanded, forgetting that he shouldn’t talk to the one who held his Father’s power that way. Suddenly, he craved nothing more than the oblivion the sleep of the Empty offered. Wakefulness was too painful. “Did you come to punish me for my betrayal?”
Jack looked even sadder. “No,” he said. “I understand why you did what you did.”
“Because I am a fool?” Michael asked bitterly. The guilt he felt was crushing. He’d felt it in the instant before he died, when he’d realized what a grievous mistake he’d made, but time had been too brief for it to really sink in.
“Because Grandfather made you work and compete for his love,” Jack said softly. Very slowly, he reached out towards Michael. Michael made himself stay still, knowing that he deserved whatever was coming. But Jack only let his hand rest on Michael’s cheek. Michael felt a sense of gentle love and compassion encompass him. Tears started in his eyes.
“And you were grieving,” Jack added. “For Adam.”
Michael closed his eyes, the tears spilling down his cheeks. Adam’s cheeks. Michael still looked like his beloved companion. He didn’t want to look like anyone or anything else.
“You still haven’t told me why you woke me,” Michael said, forcing calm into his voice.
Jack took a breath and let his hand fall. “Well, I told you I’m going to try not to get involved much in the world,” he said. “But there are some things I need to set right before I step back. I already brought the people and the animals back – ”
“Adam?” Michael asked immediately. He remembered the agony he’d felt when Adam’s soul had been ripped from the body they shared. The pain had been both of theirs, but it only got worse when it was Michael’s alone. Duller, but far more pervasive; a blank, empty loneliness which going to the Bunker hadn’t even touched.
“Adam chose to stay in Heaven with his mother,” Jack said carefully. “That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about.”
Michael stared at him, feeling the tiniest twinge of hope and yet afraid to let himself give in to it.
“I think you and Adam are soulmates,” Jack said. “The current, um, cosmic setup doesn’t recognize angel/human soulmates, but – ” He shrugged. “Like I said, I’m trying to make things better. Castiel and I are redesigning Heaven. But it’ll need enough power to keep running after I’m done. I’ve resurrected some angels, but…an archangel would be helpful.” He gave Michael a small smile. “Lucifer is – well. You know what he’s like. Uncle Gabriel died in another universe, which Grandfather destroyed. From what I know about Uncle Raphael, he wouldn’t like what I’m planning. But you…” His smile became hopeful. “I thought you might like to help.”
Michael blinked, unsure how to process this, wondering what Jack’s new plan for Heaven was.
“You don’t have to decide right away,” Jack said quickly. “We can talk about it more later. And either way, I’ll bring you to Adam.”
Michael inhaled sharply, the rush of air into his lungs heady even though both air and lungs were essentially nothing but mental constructs in the Empty. Perhaps it was Jack’s words. “You will?”
Jack smiled again. It was radiant. Michael couldn’t stop staring at his shining face, remembering how his Father used to look.
“Of course,” Jack said. He reached out and took Michael’s hand.
***
Michael found himself in Heaven. This part of it looked like a sunny suburban street. He was looking at a cozy yellow house. On the front porch was a swing. Adam was curled up on it, reading. He hadn’t seen Michael yet.
Michael’s heart thumped painfully. Jack squeezed his hand, making Michael jump. He hadn’t even noticed that his nephew was still next to him.
“It’s all right,” Jack said.
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?” Michael asked.
“He will.”
Adam looked up. His face broke into a wide smile and he jumped to his feet, hurrying forward eagerly.
“I’ll give you some time,” Jack said. He vanished.
“You’re here,” Adam said gladly. He embraced Michael warmly, but Michael froze, stiff in his arms.
“What is it?” Adam asked, voice full of concern. He pressed his forehead to Michael’s. “What’s wrong?”
For a brief moment, Michael let himself relax into the embrace. Then he pulled away reluctantly, taking a step back. Adam frowned with worry.
“I – ” Michael didn’t know where to start. “I don’t think you’ll want to be with me anymore once you know what I’ve done.”
Adam’s face softened. “Tell me,” he said.
“I can’t.”
“You used to tell me everything,” Adam said. As if Michael needed reminding. How strange and terrible it was, to be with Adam again and yet to be entirely separate from him.
Michael let out his breath in a shuddering sigh. He gave a slight nod. He had no power to resist his beloved companion’s wish. Adam put his hand on Michael’s arm. Michael let Adam guide him towards the house, savoring his touch. Michael knew it could be the last contact they’d ever share.
When they were settled side-by-side on the porch swing, Michael bowed his head and began to speak.
“I did not know what to do when you were gone. I felt utterly alone. My Father had taken everyone on Earth, save for myself, and the Winchesters, and – Jack.” He hesitated before the name, not sure if he should be referring to his nephew as God, now. Somehow, he suspected that wouldn’t be Jack’s preference. “Finally, I called out to him. To Jack. I thought to help him and Sam and Dean. I – I tried.” Tears began to fill Michael’s eyes again. “Then, Lucifer returned. He was in league with our Father. I killed him, but – I was eaten up by jealousy and despair. I had always tried to serve our Father, to be a good son. And He had reached out to Lucifer, instead of to me. I thought I could show Him that I could be His son again, too. I – I betrayed your half-brothers…” Michael couldn’t say anything more. His regret choked him.
“And Chuck killed you,” Adam finished.
Michael stared at him. “You knew,” he said.
Adam nodded. “I thought it might be good for you to talk about it.”
Michael shook his head in disbelief. “If you knew, why did you agree to see me? You must hate me.”
Adam gave him a sad smile. “I could never hate you,” he said simply. “You forget that I lost you, too, Michael. It was easier for me, here with my mother, but I was lonely for you, like you were for me.”
Hope filled Michael’s chest, hurting almost as much as the guilt. It couldn’t be true. “Then you – might you still want to be my companion?”
Adam gazed steadily at him, his smile deepening. “Yes,” he said.
There was much more in that word than a simple affirmation. More than permission, even; it was an invitation. Michael closed his eyes and let himself flow into oneness with Adam.
It shouldn’t have been possible. Adam was a soul now; he didn’t have a fleshly vessel. But it seemed that many new things were possible under Jack. Somehow, Michael and Adam were united. Michael breathed a sigh of relief; felt Adam echo it, felt their growing joy. Combined, it was far greater than the sum of its parts.
Should we help with Heaven, do you think? Adam asked, as casually as if he was considering what to have for lunch.
Michael remained silent for a moment. Yes, he replied. I think that would be a good thing to do.
***
Fifty years later
A new arrival found himself in a sunny meadow full of wildflowers. He looked around, eyes wide.
“Heaven?” he said, disbelief evident in his tone. “Well. Gotta say, I didn’t expect that.”
“Where did you think you’d go?” asked a voice from behind him.
The man shook his head, scuffing the ground with his foot. “I have no idea, but definitely not here.” He finally looked up at the being who’d spoken to him. His face froze. “Oh.”
“Hello, Father,” Michael said. “I think it’s time we had a talk.”
***
A/N: I know Jack never actually referred to his angelic/cosmic relations with familial titles, but it seemed like something he'd do and I was so tickled by it I decided to leave it in.
Also, I did consider writing the conversation between Michael and Chuck, but I'm not sure Chuck's half is going to be at all satisfying. It's possible he's learned something or shifted his perspective a bit in his 50 years as a human, but I'm far from certain of it. The important thing to me was that Michael have a chance to confront him with what a jerk he was. Maybe tell him off (or perhaps Adam will handle that part of it).
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Date: 2020-12-02 05:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-02 04:49 pm (UTC)